Signed, Sealed And Delivered, I'm Yours Forever
by EastendersHollyoaksFan
Summary: 'Love Is Dangerous'. That is one of the lessons that Whitney taught herself over the years due to living in a broken home with an estranged mother and an alcoholic father but once she met Lee, the sweet talking army soldier, she falls head over hills in love with him. While Lee has depression, Whitney is having trouble dealing with Lee's alcoholic problem and an unexpected surprise
1. Chapter 1

**Hi there. I know that I should be working on my Abi Branning story as well as my other stories but I couldn't resist writing another story and I have got some amazing ideas which I want to share with the rest of you. I honestly hope that you enjoy this story! It is based on Whitney and how she has struggled with love in the past- Billie, Tony and Johnny. Whitney is my favorite character on Eastenders but recently she has been quite miserable with dealing with Lee's depression and drinking problem. I remember doing a story about Whitney before but I didn't complete it but I will try to update often. So here is the first chapter of The Search Of Paradise!**

Whitney's POV

For as long as I could remember, I have put up walls between men and me petrified of being abandoned, used for sex or falling in love with them. Love is dangerous. My mother and father were the perfect example of a wrecked marriage and how much misery, depression and pain that love can bring to people. Love always causes people to downfall. Love was the reason that I had to support my father through his alcoholic problem. The reason that my mother abandoned me when I was younger. According to my dad, Mum was always the black sheep of the family often abandoning children and running off with men half her age for a chance at showbiz, fame and fortune but it always ended badly for her.

Growing up without a mother was tough. It caused me to be more vulnerable, gullible and easily mislead than other people because I never had a role model to show me the way and I always had to face problems on my own. Ever since my mother's departure when I was four, my father never dealt with it the right way and instead of confiding in someone, he punished himself for the fact that I was motherless and blamed himself for my bad start in life. Being drunk on alcohol was Dad's coping mechanism. He was an alcoholic. Years of alcohol abuse had left his cheeks rosy and his mind dull-witted. He knew drying out would be a painful process and he had no intention of ever going through it. He was determined to stay drunk until he died.

He never had a sober day if he could help it. He did everything drunk. He drove, shopped and went to work drunk. He never had less than four full bottles of Gin and a case of beer in the house. That was his emergency rations and he immediately went shopping if he reached that level. Yet he would never describe himself as an alcoholic. Mum got him into it. Years of returning home on a long, tiring day at work and watching her drink the beer bottle empty inspired him.

He wanted to know what was so great about the little bottle that everyone seemed to consume. But he never did it until after Mum left. One day, he got his hands on one and twisted it open and took a small sip leaving a burning sensation in his body. A sensation for more. After that, he was hooked. He knew that it was wrong for him to try but the sweet taste of the lethal drink lured him for more. Little did he know that was the beginning of his journey as an alcoholic. It changed everything especially his appearance- he was older than his true age mainly because years of drinking had robbed him of his youth. I watched it happen to my dad and now I am watching it happen to my boyfriend, Lee.

I hate this. I hate watching him wake up with a splitting headache, intoxicating smell of alcohol and a very bad temper. What was even worse was watching his depression envelope inside his mind causing him to shut me out and cry nerve-wracking tears. When he cried, there was a rawness to it like the pain was an open wound, it was never a trickle and never started in his eyes. It always begins as a feeling in his chest and depression in his mind, the only release being leaking water. The only way that his body chose to cope with his depression. All I ever wanted was for him to be able to communicate openly with me. To tell me how he is feeling. To tell me that he was scared. That he needed me not only just to put him to bed when he was to drunk to walk up the stairs and often stumbled.

It got so far that I couldn't take another night keeping myself awake wondering if he was lying in some gutter drunk or about to collapse into the room. Before, I thought that boys will be boys and he was entitled to being young but as it became a daily habit, the more trouble I had dealing with it. It was like history was repeating itself. I didn't want to have the kind of relationship that my mother and father had. That is the last thing that I want for myself. Watching Linda marry Mick was like swallowing knifes because it was that painful. I wanted the kind of love that Lee's parents have but I am probably never going to have that with Lee. It got so bad that yesterday, I got so frustrated that I packed up all of my belongings and told Lee that I needed to spend some time with Bianca because I am missing her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi there! Thank you for reading this story and please review good or bad. Recently, I have been especially watching Whitney in Eastenders and she has been feeling quite low and depressed because she has been looking after Lee. To be honest, she has been more like a mother to him than a girlfriend which has lead to her feeling quite distressed. She has been having frequent arguments with members of his family because she feels like she isn't one of them. Thank you again for reading this story!**

Whit, you shouldn't be dealing with this day in day out." Bianca said, pulling me into a hug. "You're his girlfriend not his mother. Does Linda even know that her son is drinking himself into an early death? You are the last person that should be dealing with this especially because you had to do the same with your Dad."

I erupted into a flood of tears. "Bianca, I don't think that I can do this anymore. I don't think that I can live the rest of my life with Lee being like this. It is like I don't have a purpose anymore. When I was thinking about my future, I thought that I would be a primary school teacher with five children of my own and a loving husband living in a big house."

Bianca soothed. "Whitney Dean, you look at me. Lee doesn't deserve an amazing, strong and independent woman like you. Do you really want to be doing this every day for the rest of your life?"

I whispered. "No. This is the last thing that I want to do with my life. I want to travel the world but I can't bring myself to dump Lee. Specially because of everything his family is going through with Dean. I just don't want to hurt him."

Bianca sighed, frustrated. "Whitney, you are such a good person but you cannot spend the rest of your life miserable."

"There is something else..." I started, nervously. "I think I might be pregnant."

"...Pregnant?" Bianca gasped. "You think that you might be pregnant? Have you taken a test recently?"

I shook my head. "No, I haven't but I have this feeling that I might be. I am going to take the pregnancy test right now to know if I am pregnant. Do you think that I should do it now, B?"

Bianca nodded. Trembling, I took the pregnancy test out of my bag and walked over to the bathroom. I sat beside the toilet seat waiting impatiently for a response. For three weeks, I have been violently sick and often feeling tired and pale. It has been weeks since I had slept with Lee mainly because the only time that I spend with him is when I am dragging him into bed after a night of heavy drinking with Fatboy, Martin and Billy. Looking back, it has been a tragic year for me- losing Bianca, Tiffany and Morgan, losing Carol and Liam and being abandoned by Ryan. I used to love Lee dearly; he is kind, sensitive, charming and a sweet talker. Most girls would die to date an soldier like Lee but he wasn't anymore. The thing that worries me the most is that he won't be emotionally and mentally stable in order to provide for a family and give this baby the thing that it needs.

Would he want me to keep the baby? Or would be drink himself into a deep sleep? Or leave me to provide for this baby on my own? No, he wouldn't do that. He would never leave me to get through this on my own. My mother was the perfect example of what motherhood could do to a person because she left my father and me for a chance at a better life in front of a camera. Would I be just like her? Would I get tired of the baby and abandon it? Would I be able to cope with the responsibilities of being a mother? Would Lee be involved in the baby's life? If I am pregnant, there is no way that I am keeping it even if Lee wants it. It was because of my own experience that I don't want this baby to suffer.

Growing up without a mother made me more gullible and I was easily mislead by Tony believing that what we had was love. That he loved me. That we were going to run away together. But I was wrong. What if the baby ends up like me? Broken beyond repair. And it wasn't all because of my future. I mean, what could an unemployed woman and an ex army solider offer this baby? Nothing. They could barely look after themselves and always relied on his parents for financial support. Of course, I want children but not like this. I want to be married with a nice home and a decent teaching job- I want to be settled which I was never was as a child. Always suffering at the hands of my Dad. Mum was my age when she had her first baby with another man and looked how well that worked out for her. Mum and Dad were alcoholics and I am a rape victim. I don't want that kind of life. Do you want to know what is ridiculous? A little white stick with a word could change my whole life in five minutes. I would laugh at this but I can't stop thinking about how miserable this is going to make Lee.

Lee used to be my whole world. That charming sweet talker. But he cannot deal with being a father to an innocent little baby especially when he is battling depression and his alcohol addiction. What I really want is to become an teacher. How am I supposed to do that with a baby in tow? Lee doesn't even have a job and we cannot live off his parents forever especially with all they are going through- Linda's rape ordeal, Ollie's paternity test and Linda's eating disorder.

My train of thought was lost when my phone buzzed, the timer signaling that it was time to reveal my fate and took a deep breath. Picking up the white stick, my heart was beating rapidly as I turned it over.

Positive


	3. Chapter 3

One word. 8 letters. That was the little world that ended my whole life as well as all of my dreams. As soon as I lay my eyes on the positive result, I felt like my body was trembling with uncontrollable cries; the only thing that I wanted right now was to be beside Lee. The old Lee. The one whose smile could turn my legs to jelly. The one who made me flutter whenever he spoke. The one who wrapped his masculine arms around me whenever I was scared of storms. The one who reassured me with his comforting words of support. All I wanted to be a teacher after I met a caring teacher named Mrs Smith who encouraged me to become a teacher because I was good with children especially Tiffany, Liam and Morgan. It is all over. My dreams are shattered. How can I be so stupid enough to not use contraception? Part of me wanted this baby, would love it, take care of it and it will be my whole world but to Lee, it would be an nightmare. My father had to face fatherhood alone for six years until he died when I was ten. What if I am the same? What if I abandon this baby? What if it hates me? What if I can't cope? I don't want to have a termination. The thought of me killing a living thing makes me feel physically sick. Crushing its little heart and sucking air out of its lungs. Bianca knocked on the door. "Whitney, is everything okay in there?"

Quickly, I bit my tongue, trying to hold the tears that threatened to leave my eyes but I couldn't hold them back and one small tear escapes from my right eye. I can feel the warmth, sliding down my cheek and rolling down my chin. Then another. And another. Until my eyes flood with them, coming like a rainfall but I didn't bother trying to stop myself from crying. My eyes were burning and my chest felt heavy as if it were filled with lead. I could no longer see clearly. Now red, tear-rimmed eyes stared back at me, with watery streaks falling down my freckled face. I smoothed my now chaotic hair and wiped the tears from my cheeks which were now blotchy and mottled. My whole face was now washed with a dull red, including the very end of my nose. Quickly, I rose to my feet with the positive pregnancy test in my hands. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door met by worried and concerned green eyes and almost immediately my body collided with hers in a warming hug. I sniffed. "Bianca, I'm pregnant. I am going to be a Mum."

Bianca led me to a sofa where I gave her the positive pregnancy test. "Whitney, you are one of a kind. You're my daughter and I love you no matter what. Do you want to keep the baby or terminate the pregnancy?"

I replied, wiping my tears. "I think that I want to keep the baby but I don't have anything. No money, home or job. What am I going to do? Live in an council flat providing my baby with child benefits?"

Bianca moved towards the cabinet reaching out for a document. "I should have told you this a long time ago but your father left you something in his will. You were only ten at the time and I was going to tell you on your 21st birthday but there is no better time like the present. Whitney, he left you his car, his house in America and a large sum of money. He also left something for the baby."

I raised my eyebrows. "How could he possibly know that I was going to have children of my own?"

Bianca shrugged. "I think that he always knew that you wanted a big family so he left you a lot of money to support the baby in the future."

I reached out for the document reading it over and over again just to make sure that it was real and that this was actually happening. Dad actually left me something for my family. He left something for me and his unborn grandchild.

Dated: 28th November 2005

Will of MR NATHAN DENNIS JAMES LUCAS DEAN

I, Nathan Dennis James Lucas Dean, of Stratford, London do hereby declare this to be my last will and testament.

1\. I APPOINT Mrs Bianca Dean, of 31, Albert Square, London, to be the sole executor and trustee of my will. And, in recognition of her loyalty, I give to Bianca Dean the photograph of our wedding day that is in the sterling gold frame and my place at the end of the table so that she will never be cast out from the bosom of the family.

2\. To my step-son, Liam Butcher of 31 Albert Square, Walford, I give my father's Javelin trophy. The genuine article. I hope, over time, he will forgive me for treating him badly and understand that people do the wrong things for the right reasons.

3\. To my daughter Whitney Dan I give the sum of fourteen hundred thousand pounds to be held in trust until her twenty first birthday and to be pain thereon together with any interest accruing from the date of my death.

4\. To the first 16 surviving children of my daughter Whitney Dean, I give the sum of eleven hundred thousand pounds to be held in trust until their twenty first birthday and to be paid thereon together with any interest accruing from the date of my death.

5\. To my daughter Tiffany Dean of 31 Albert Square, Walford, I give my antique fountain pen and an antique doll belonging to my mother.

6\. To my daughter Whitney Dean, I give my ring. I know that she shouldn't forgive me for what I put her through but I hope that this token will remind her of the never ending love that I always felt for her and how much I adored her.

7\. All of the remainder of my estate namely my mother's antique diamond engagement ring, all cash amounts held in deposit in my name, my residential property at Los Angeles, America, my car, my business known as Dean's property agency, Los Angeles- comprising of the land, assets and associated at Los Angeles, America I give to Whitney Elizabeth Margaret Diana Dean.

8\. To Debra Dean of 22a Kent Street, West Ham who played the game better than anyone I ever knew and deceived me, I give my tick tac toe game. In the sure and certain knowledge that it will drive her absoutley crazy.

I puzzled. "Why would Dad leave me all this money? So I am the owner of Dad's business in Los Angeles. But who has been looking after it for the last eleven years?"


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hi there. I have been looking forward to writing this story and it is going amazing. Well, that's my opinion. However, I have been debating with myself whether Whitney should be with Lee. It has been going great in Eastenders for her except the fact that her brother took the best part of five grand and she had a heated fight with Nancy. It was very enterning to watch but I cannot help feeling that she isn't suited to a life as a barmaid and she has a slight crush on Mick despite the fact that one, he's married and two, he is the father of her boyfriend and three, she is living under the same room as him and four, Linda has been through hell and back and the last thing that she deserves is Whitney kissing her husband. Whitney is not Stacey Branning who has wrecked two marriages in her small lifetime and she isn't even 30 yet! So Eastenders should stop portraying her as some stupid, lovesick little teenager with a crush. I loved that feisty chav who dreamed of being a primary school teacher instead of a barmaid! I mean, what happened to her being a primary school teacher? She was very good at looking after children especially after looking after Tiffany and Morgan! Anyway I will let you read on and please leave a review. Good or bad! Thanks._**

Bianca muttered, "Your aunt, Elizabeth. She established the business with your father and has been looking after it every since he died waiting for the day that you would come of age."

I smiled at her. "I know that I want Lee in the baby's life but I have always wanted to travel to America. Living in Walford is bringing back all of those unwanted, miserable and distressing memories. Of Tony, Lee, Billie, Lauren, Rob. Maybe this could be my fresh start just me and my baby. I would always come to visit you though and you can come for Christmas."

Bianca whimpered. "I...still miss him. Billie. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about me finding Billie lying there dead. You have had such an horrible start in life and I want you to have happiness in your life. Do you at least want to think this over? Are you completely sure that you want to leave Walford?"

"I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life, B." I reassured her. "This could be my fresh start. A chance to put things right. Who do I have left in Walford? Carol, Robbie, Liam, Cindy and you have all left. Robbie's here with you, Liam and Cindy are in Germany with Ricky and Carol is travelling the world on her motorbike."

"She's doing what?" Bianca shrieked. "Are you saying that my mother, Carol Jackson is travelling the world on that piece of crap that her father gave her?"

I burst into laughter. "Yes. She left three months ago. Last time I heard, she was travelling up in Scotland. At least she is living the dream. While I am an unemployed soon to be mother with an alcoholic boyfriend who may be the father of my baby."

Bianca softened. "Look, Whitney, I know that you haven't exactly the best start in the life after Tony, Rob, Billie and Lee but you always come out fighting because you are strong. I know that you would be the best mother that you can be especially after you practically raised Tiff and Morgan when I was in prison."

"No that was Ricky. He was the one who comforted them when they were scared. The one who loved one who tucked them into bed at night..." I paused, covering my mouth. "Ricky was the one who got them dressed in the morning, told Tiff and Morgan stories at night. And where was Whitney? I felt isolated, mortified and were my rock, my best friend and my adoptive mother and when you were in prison, I didn't know what to do-"

Bianca interrupted rather abruptly. "I should have been there, Whit. I shouldn't have put you in that position especially after Tony. I am so sorry, Whit. I was your Mum and I let you down. That makes me no better than Debra."

I sobbed. "I needed you, B. I tried going to Ricky about my feelings but he wouldn't listen. He was so busy being a dad to Tiff, Liam and Morgan that he forgot all about me. It was like I never existed, I didn't matter anymore, I wasn't part of the family, I wasn't important."

Bianca grabbed my chin so that I was looking at her. "You listen to me, Whitney Dean. You are an important member of our family and it wouldn't be the same without you. I love you and I promise to support you no matter what happens."

I thanked her. "I love you too but I think that I should go back to Albert Square and speak to Lee."

Bianca kissed her cheek. "I understand, I will pack some food for you and Terry will take you back to the square. Do you want to say goodbye to Tiff and Morgan?"

I whispered. "Yeah."


End file.
